Wednesday, 9 September 2015

#poem - How I Found Him

I looked for God in churches,
I did not find Him there - 
gold crosses, marble pillars and heavy drapery
felt like they could only smother Him.

So I looked for God in holy books,

but I could not find Him there,
He seemed to escape every time that I read
another rule that promised the truth.

I looked for God in every corner
every flower and strange wanderer;
but just when I thought I finally saw Him
I was just mistaken.

Some people told me 

that they had already seen him.
I sat down and listened
as they described me His essence.
I grew jealous and bickering
with those who saw differently
to their version.
But when I realised that this was not God I had found,
only my ego,
I fell from my high moral ground
and crash-landed with a mouth full of sand.

Beat and exhausted,

I gave up my search. Months went by,
time stored like water in camels' humps.
I forgot about God,
I forgot of my search.
I went home.

An old woman,

stood in a tunnel
in the subway that connects 
the central bus station
to the rest of my hometown.

Scraps of laughter and chords of a sax
clung to her skirts.
The fabric was cheap, 
beaten and moth-eaten,
much like her bones.

Her head was bowed, her palms crossed over in prayer,
a kerchief tied round her snow white head.
I counted the years,
etched on her skin, damp from tears.

In that moment,
the tunnel became a church
and sacred texts unraveled with her tears
and the notes of the sax.

‘Will this be my elegy?' they said to me.
‘To die in this tunnel, to this wonderful melody,
and the beat of the coins?
Will anyone notice?'

I turned away from her eyes, from the hat that lay at her feet,

asking only for coins.
I had many on me.
I even had notes. 
I wanted to turn back and lay one down at her feet,
as a sacrifice, atonement or simply a gift...
But the moment had gone. I left her alone,
though I wanted to turn, 
and walk past her once more.

For there, in her eyes,

I would have found God.

I walked away - after all
it was not Him I had been looking for.

4 comments:

  1. I haven't read all of you poems, but thus far this one fascinates me the most :)
    Reminds me of the words of much loved Catholic Saint - ''Heaven and earth, seem to merge on the horizon. But where they really meet is in your hearts”

    Lovely poem :)

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    Replies
    1. Hey, JScribblings! I am so sorry, I only noticed your comment now! Thanks so much for reading :) Do you also write?

      I had a conversation with a friend since writing this poem and he had an interesting comment - that we cannot search for God externally since we can only ever look for something that is within us. So we kinda have to find ourselves first and there we could encounter Him :)

      Share your thoughts!

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    3. Hey Leva better late than never :-)
      I think one marvel about God is the fact that wherever we choose to seek him; either in our innermost selves or otherwise, He walks up to meet us along the way. Of importance is our 'rectitude of intention'
      'as the dear panteth for water, so my soul longeth after thee'

      I hope Bristol has been kind to you :-)

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